You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
