yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
