I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
