Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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