He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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