I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize