note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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