We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
