I can tuck mytits in my pants
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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