Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
