Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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