Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
