Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
