I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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