Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
