I cockslap morals
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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