Slut skills are useful in every country.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
