I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
