What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
