capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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