Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
