Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
