she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
