So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
