Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
