I got chris browned last night
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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