I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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