The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
