I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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