I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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