Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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