bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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