theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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