What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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