One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
