Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
