i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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