so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
