In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
