I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
