I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Barsexuality is the new black.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
