Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
