Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
