I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
