This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also, beer. Big fan.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
