she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
