We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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