no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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