Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
