Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
