You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
