He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so let's talk penis.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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