i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
